eyeing a vertebrae trance

STOP THE KILLINGS

2007-02-26T00:12:00.000-08:00

STOP THE KILLINGS

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Noam Chomsky - zack de la rocha

2007-02-22T00:20:00.000-08:00


noam chomsky interviewed by zack de la rocha of Rage Against The Machine

chubs

2007-01-07T19:26:00.000-08:00

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget.

You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it.

You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you.

Your near future is still unknown, and a little scary. You'll get through wild times - and you'll textually enjoy it.

For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

2006-09-19T07:05:00.000-07:00

just talk. how hard can that fucking be?????? huh???

and stretch.

and maybe . maybe then.

cyber space can be so damn lonely isn't it? hm..

arun-likeness----> owel.

sige ingats.Ü
--------------------------------------------------
sometimes i think life is finally going somewhere
then she comes along like the child horror maze from hell
its just you a dark parking lot and this sonofabitch ---

that strange place in a long-suffering mother's mind
where humans finally realize we are nothing but dust
if we means 'control' and 'self-determination'

where she finally submits to the shit and all the rewinding rewinding rewinding
til she kills for anger's survival as if she would actually
literally die without relentlessly destroying 9 months

and 20 years

thinking nothing deserves to live after That
or after It entered.

GOd help us vaginas.
God be with us.

instead of growing teeth,
evolution of the female reproductive system brings it straight to the soul.

the real systemic corruption, coup attempts and rebellion.
always near the pillow in that dark cold empty room.
smelling like kitchen soap, onions and garlic.

mazes mazes in her suffering.
good child , you are the poorest this time.
watch your back.
watch your back.
watch your back.

her truer rebirths
unforgiving.
unforgiving.
two joints maze of a long-suffering child lost in your charms.

rebirth in bloody revolution.
and you help raise the red proud
flag.

----------------------------------------------
yot, dandi, pb, bugie, salamat sa bati niyo nun sabado. bagay na yun sakin. :)

see you sometime i hope. pb, you can do it. i know you can. just keep going. God bless you.

yot! hahaha. hughughug. lalng miss ko na buhok, rings at kuko mo.. at yung mga panahon na tahimik tayong dalawa. tas me sariling mundo na si pb at bugesh. hahaha. tas gagawa din tayo maya mya sa sarili nating mundo. la lng. i miss you. tutcha.

dandi. madraks. musta? miss refined and successful.nyarhaha. hughughug. kain tayo sambeses!!!!

mga bok (above mentioned) pwde ba tayong magkasama ng isang buong araw sambeses na la msaydong tambay? tingin tingin tayo/tambay some different place? owel. namis ko lang kayo.

2006-08-30T02:15:00.000-07:00

the waiting song //ani difranco

your basic average super star
is singing about justice
and peace
and love
and i am glaring at the radio,
swearing
saying that's just what i was afraid of
the system gives you just enough
to make you think that you see change
they will sing you right to sleep
and then they'll screw you just the same

but i will wait
yes, i will wait for the truth

they think i make a big deal about nothing
but they still think i'm
kinda cute
they joke about the status quo
to break the ice
once the ice is broken
i hope they all fall through
'cause this is no joke to me
they don't fool me
with their acts of sensitivity
they too shall pass
just like everyone
who's only here for my ass

and i can't wait
oh i can't wait till they get their due

baby i've only got a minute
baby i have to go
a minute is all my life
will ever allow
let's grow old
and die together
let's do it now
because you'll do all the jobs
no one else will do
and you'll step aside
and you will let me come through
you have all my respect
i'll leave it here when i go
maybe i never told you, baby
maybe you don't know

but maybe if we wait
if we wait things will improve
maybe we just wait
and things will improve
you know, they've got to improve

your basic average superstar
is singing about justice
and peace
and love
and i am glaring at the radio
swearing
saying that's just what i was afraid of
the system gives you just enough
to make you think that you see change
they'll sing you right to sleep
and then they'll screw you just the same

he says i know you have to go
you have gone before
we are fighting on two different fronts
of the same war
but no matter what else
i will do
i will wait for you.

ye. its complicated. so go someplace else.

2006-08-30T01:52:00.000-07:00

Salidumay (Kalinga lullaby chant,Cordillera)

Kalikasan
Kayamanan
Kagandahan
Kabuhayan
Ay, ay salidumay
Salidumay diway
Yamang lupa
Yamang tubig
Yamang puno
Yamang hangin
Yamang tao
Yamang diwa
Yamang malay
Yamang kaluluwa
Ay ay salidumay
Salidumay diway
Kalinangan
Kasaysayan
Sulong, bayan
Kalayaan
Ay ay salidumay
Salidumay diway.

i still haven't earned my tongue.
i hope i won't die before i discover it. nobody can tell anybody not to eat or decompose. not even the being in that body. it can only obey its own life/death.

bumalik ako sa quezon nung sunday, me field trip kasi para sa socio-pol theory and rizal requirement.

dumaan yung bus sa mga makugon. kapal ng kabundukan. palamig ng palamig ung hangin.

binara ko kusa ang buhay na pinagtrabahuan ko. haha. pero naalala ko yung mga huli kong naisip nung nakita ko yung kapal at buhay na kaberdehan nun sunday. parang wala nang maasahang buhay dito e. lahat me kanya-kanyang paraan. oo, kelangan nilang mabuhay. oo. everybody must 'survive'. ewan. ang hirap lang talaga siguro sa bata, mag-isa ka talaga. paano mo isasangla o isasalba yung 'kagubatang sagrado' sa sarili mo.

nilalamon na ako ng sistemang kumain din sa mga magulang ko at sa mga magulang nila. dumaan na sa isip ko isang hiling na malabo, ulit, mangyari. parang tawag lang ng budhi---tama ba tagalog ko..---tawag ng diwa , siguro. nakita ko lahat kabuuan. wala nang buhay dito sa puwesto ko. tas naalala ko yung maaring paraan.

may mga nagiimbita narin mamundok. hindi agad-agad pero maaring mangyari. gusto ko pa mabuhay. hindi ako tunay na self-destructive. buhay si Ako. at sabi niya sakin noon, bumalik sa bundok.

kinuwento ng isang guro ng history sa up-d sa bus yung tungkol sa mga babaylan.

me taga malate na sabi dalai lama siya dati. siguro kung mabura ko mga kahinaan ko at itagumpay ko yung natitirang ako , maaring nakaugat nga talaga siya sa mga babaylan.

yung lugar sa Quezon na dinalaw namin yung may maraming babaylan na pinatay, pinagahasa, at pinakain sa mga buwaya at aso ang katawan. Kaya Dolores yung tawag sa lugar.

inulan kami. hilo pa rin ako. hindi ko matigil sarili ko para ipakain sa diwa ko yung nakahanda na sa harap ko. mali. alam kong mali na ginagawa ko.

bago umalis, imbis na mag-yosi sa may kalye at pagmasdan yung tahimik saka mabigat na mga ulap, nagtago ako sa isang bakuran ng isang bahay sa likod ng bus namin para magyosi.

hati ako. lumalakas yung uhaw ko na sirain lahat para mahanap ako. pero habang tumatagal yung paninira nalang alam kong gawin kahit na iba na sinasabi ng pakiramdam ko. parang may nagtanong sayo, pano, laban pa? mismo ikaw di ka na sigurado ano gusto mo.

babaylan? wala kang kwenta. ayusin mo sarili mo. patayin mo siya o siya papatay sayo.

2006-02-11T22:02:00.000-08:00

hindi turumpo.
hindi scrabble o monopoly o Rubik's cube o
o larong chess na kailangang pagdukdukan ng kamay
at galawin ang piyesa

hindi nasa iyo.
o kanino mang tao.

hindi hinahanapan ng butas o mantsang wala.
hindi minamaniobra ng sariling panic-manibela
hindi inaalagaang domestic animaL
ito

ang utak mo.

huminga ng malalim.
at ulitin ang 'one'

yun lang ang kailangan mo.

2006-02-03T10:42:00.000-08:00

it's just you and me. for awhile.

before that box of Pandora's peachy-peachy treats convinces.
indulge while you can, it says
while she's not yet going
while she can still walk and still have all her limbs
while she's still high-noon-street-rally-tanned and waiting for you
while you both have a little more time.

use it.

maybe it's the cold office and that red shirt or my fertile state. or that and my fever-flu and the non-drowse neozep tablets i forgot to buy instead.

im a little dizzy
will you be kind enough to step back a little
your getting closer
than i thought you'd go

i would rather have you wide awake.
no lies.

let us take our curses slowly--- venus.
on scorpio.
both yours.
and mine.

my sudden coccaine lai, strange palm lines yours and mine.
let's not wish for freedom. let us just become. each. other.
slowly
tell
me,
are there
miracles in
your head?
are there miracles in
your head?

your getting closer
than i thought you'd go

2005-12-30T17:20:00.000-08:00

Panganay ng Umaga

ang panganay ng umaga'y
sumilip sa bintana
ako'y dumilat at nagulat
sa lawak ng mundo

mga burol at kabundukan
nakahanay sa abot-tanaw
bughaw na langit at kapatagan
magkasintahang nagtatagpo

lawa ilog dagat
lamig tamis alat
ulan agos alon

haplos sa pisngi ng panahon
sanlibong ulap nagliliparan
kasabay ng agila at lawin
bulong ng simoy awit ng hangin
at sigaw ng buhawi

ako'y tao lamang
taga-bigay ng pangalan
taga-sukat taga-bilang
munting butil sa sanlibutan

ang panganay ng umaga'y
sumilip sa bintana
ako'y dumilat at nagulat
sa lawak ng mundo.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

2005? The young burned vehicles in Paris for racial discrimination in the 'most beautiful city in the world' and rioted with the seas in their chests. the endless saga of digging, refining and burning our decomposed past from down deep for the modern world to sell this as the solution for most people to die trying to survive by continously operating the gods' machineries of greed. the lunatics living in Palaces alongside the sewage system of Babylon and the camps of the Slaves and the sane(for now). local TV continues to spread its cancer of idiocy to another of the world's potential Jesus Generation. TV networks get richer and richer to operate the gods' machineries even further.

Mehn, parang mga anay tayo noh. tas un makina ng mga diyos yung Ina ng lahat ng Anay.
we can do nothing to completely avoid destroying ourselves.

2005? sure? because it sometimes sounds like Ancient Roman civilization to me. We are riding the downward spiral in the intestines of doom.
can't wait to turn to gas and shit.

but that's just Mr. Hyde talking.

For now, there is money, 'learning' and 'life' in the streets--on foot and on public transpo. We continue to exist or in other words persist in dying. Outside our own hunger and our souls, there is no hope.the machinery is beyond the control of ordinary people. But within there is always '0'---the number of potency.

GOD of WISDOM, give us strength and true grace and good judgement to progress whatever good there is in nothingness or zero or potency or everythingness.

Mabuhay ang Bagong Taon. Happy New Year.

For now, Joey Ayala's songs---in the middle of morning street firecracker wake-up shocks along with an old indiscriminate man-pig of Pollution's and neurotic mother's persistent attempts to shock and rattle me out of my sanity and state of self or happiness---is surreal and sacred to me, reminding me that sanity exists and that i am okay. That even if most things or people that i have in my life may be there to mislead me, i am awake. That i must guard not only my head's but also the sanity of my heart. That i don't need a reason. I just am here. now. I. Now. Am.
---------------------------------------------------

my Paraluman is pregnant and would not let me touch her. i stopped trying after i realized i don't deserve her now. i am too weak. i do not want to lie and make the same mistake anymore. I want to see my muse the way she is. naked. cruel and kind, gentle and passionate at the same time.and look at the face of wanting to give in to sheer ecstasy without flinching. i want to approach her fully awake, slowly enduring, until i realize what it really means to have you step by step until i finally hold you again. until we wake up calmly assured as we face a thousand shocks of morning firecrackers, still wrapped in each other's smell, warmth, and bliss.

For now, I am content to know She is here with me, yes even in this prison of a room of a purgatorial apartment beside an ominously colossal city hall. She is. And i persist to finally ground to dust the ancient evil civilizations and machineries in my head that manufacture liars and illusion.
-------------------------------------------------------

Igan D'Bayan of Philippine Star wrote on different musical artists the past year--U2 and other foreign bands , how 'J.Lo bothered with another album' and 'Shakira showed up with another of her indecipherable songs', until finally he mentioned MIMI/Mariah Carey who showed up with a fresh album and image ,just when he thought she was lost in some diva drug rehab-- "Appropriately. Most of us were like Mariah Carey in 2005: successfull and screwed up at the same time."

2005-12-05T05:09:00.000-08:00

Juan Luna: Portrait of a Bulakenya
by Kristine J. Domingo

Of all regrets, you are the one to hold
before the year of many deaths, a handkerchief.
This is how what is for a coming
correspondence that will end in tears
starts to fade into an appeal for peace, or a truce.
Everywhere the country, the poverty,
a stench against a wall of a fruit market
of an old man's frustrations in life, in the rain.
Everywhere that ends in this room through
a graver green, or how it must be inside you.
You in white, again disguised for doves,
breath on chaste sheets. You who will be true
to gold on your finger, or to light
from a window that keeps you from facing
my devotion, in my one year of tenderness.
----------------------

strange though that i must find you again beyond doubt and insanity
to have you sing to me gently
in a hidden place where i am alone and i can hear you so clearly
and believe that i could dance with you again
though the world has bent my back beyond repair.

now i know, it was you in Peter who tried to walk on water
and you in Laca who Knew so much for so long, gave up, and sat on a wheelchair
to ponder forever at the seeds he no longer had the strength to grow.

stay with all of us then, beautiful
one that children and dreamers have wandered and gambled with words to fit you
--grace, glow, holy water;
--Muse,Freedom,God.
nevertheless, all know you walk
like one wearing endlessly flowing trailing robes,
beautiful Faith.

i know now. the extreme ends of these highways.
let me sing for you again, that you may dance many others as well,
come have my voice which i have forgotten and delayed for so long.
and with which i have read the wrong notes and followed the wrong masters
for so long, beautiful.
for so long just so i could find
You who can calm me more than the light through capiz shells.
or any other language.

2005-11-15T00:43:00.000-08:00

We live on a mountain
Right at the top
There's a beautiful view
From the top of the mountain
Every morning I walk towards the edge
And throw little things off
Like:
Car parts, bottles and cutlery
Or whatever I find lying around

It's become a habit
A way
To start the day

I go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with you

It's early morning
No one is awake
I'm back at my cliff
Still throwing things off
I listen to the sounds they make
On their way down
I follow with my eyes 'til they crash
Imagine what my body would sound like
Slamming against those rocks

When it lands
Will my eyes
Be closed or open?

I go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with you
-hyperballad, bjork

2005-11-01T00:30:00.000-08:00

2005-10-23T20:00:00.000-07:00

"Creation seems to come out of imperfection. It seems to come out of a striving and a frustration, and this is where I think language came from. It came from our desire to transcend our isolation and have some sort of connection with one another. And it had to be easy, when it was just simple survival, like you know...water, we came up with a sound for that, or saber-toothed tiger right behind you!, we came up with a sound for that. But, when it gets really interesting, I think, is when we use that same system of symbols to communicate all the abstract and intangible things that we're experiencing. What is frustration? or what is anger? or love? When I say "love," the sound comes out of my mouth and hits the other person's ear, travels through this Byzantine conduit in their brain, through their memories of love, or lack of love, and they register what I'm saying, and they say "Yes, I understand," but how do I know they understand? Words are inert; They're just symbols; They're dead. You know? And, so much of our experience is intangible. So much of what we perceive cannot be expressed; It's unspeakable. Yet, when we communicate with one another, and we feel that we have connected, and we think that we are understood, I think we have a feeling of almost spiritual communion, and that feeling might be transient, but I think it's what we live for."

from Waking Life, by Richard Linklater
~from a friend's blog
----------------------------------------------------------------

ang paglaya ay naghahamon ng kakayahang labanan ang iba't ibang boses pang-akit ng pagkurap. handa na akong lumaya.

2005-10-19T07:46:00.000-07:00

gen:

Your Birthdate: October 30

Your birthday on the 30th day of the month shows individual self-expression is necessary for your happiness.
You tend to have a good way of expressing yourself with words, certainly in a manner that is clear and understandable.
You have a good chance of success in fields requiring skill with words.

You can be very dramatic in your presentation and you may be a good actor or a natural mimic.
You have a vivid imagination that can assist you in becoming a good writer or story-teller.
Strong in your opinions, you always tend to think you are on the right side of an issue.

There may be a tendency to scatter your energies and have a lot of loose ends in your work.
You may have significant artistic talent and be very creative.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

stel:

Your Birthdate: September 16

Your birth on the 16th day of the month gives a sense of loneliness and generally the desire to work alone.
You are relatively inflexible, and insist on your being independent.
You need a good deal of time to rest and to meditate.

You are introspective and a little stubborn.
Because of this, it may not be easy for you to maintain permanent relationships, but you probably will as you are very much into home and family.
This birth day inclines to interests in the technical, the scientific, and to the religious or the unknown realm of spiritual explorations.

The date gives you a tendency to seek unusual approaches and makes your style seem a little different and unique to those around you.
Your intuition is aided by the day of your birth, but most of your actions are bedded in logic, responsibility, and the rational approach.
You may be emotional, but have a hard time expressing these emotions.
Because of this, there may be some difficulty in giving or receiving affection.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

2005-10-08T06:43:00.000-07:00

the other would blow a kiss at the imaginary little paper boat that your decisions and your family stood on.

it is done. something led you there. all in place, glimpses of the grand design. so now, balance is restored. the cycle is complete. you have discovered it had nothing to do with your son, or your wife, or me. only you.
paalam Ü PTC. may the learnings we have exchanged see through the darkest darkest darkest of all evils---people's malice, people who put so much effort in trying to corrupt whatever light is left in others by flattery, manipulation, and other stupid and desperate attempts at thievery,the corruption that sometimes come with realizing one's desire to win or to gain more and mindlessly soul-lessly try to coax secrets from others to use them for one's own crooked notion of benefit---and finally stem from someone else's earth.

i won't forget you either. but if i do, it doesn't matter. we lived. just as gen and real souls like her did.just as yours, like everyone else, were meant to.

LET US LIVE THEN. And know Choice, intimately.. so intimately that wisdom slowly slowly surely subtley becomes All.

break. free. From within. these people's war and malice, was never you or me. don't ever ever allow yourself to forget That.

don't let them turn you to something you're not.

2005-09-21T21:33:00.000-07:00

Dependence on models and inter-related words has become so widespread as to become a near universal mental disease, a widespread insanity reinforced by a near universal human proclivity for escapism in the face of difficulties. It has become ‘normal’ practice to attempt to force reality to fit the cultural models and language, instead of making the communication system fit the facts.

..So we act as if reality is sectioned into ‘parts’. Reality however, remains universally interconnected. The moment we lose sight of this fact, we move toward hubris and error. As human animals, we further tend to make a strong separation between our ‘individuality’ and the ‘rest of the world’. But again we are connected, we are ‘part’ of the universal reality. Words are ‘part’ of reality. The words that we treat as ‘separate’ are also involved as noises or marks on paper or cathode ray tubes in the universal reality.

The human enters the world without language. Because language is so very useful to human progress, a central objective of education is to develop language usage; but the process goes too far. Language is near universally taught in such a manner that it ceases to be merely a tool for communication, but become a straight-jacket upon the thinking progress. This extends until most humans cannot think outside ‘the’ mass of words circulating in their consciousness that becomes a substitute for independent, reality-based analysis. That is, humans become addicted to language, they become the servants of local language structures instead of the masters of language.

If we become caught in the separated construction that we assemble for our own feeble-minded convenience, if we start to ‘think’ in words rather than control the words for our communicative purposes, we move beyond sanity.
peter abelard

ang ngalan noo'y Tumpak.

2005-08-25T01:39:00.000-07:00

you looked most peaceful and satiated.

one thought of the other at the exact time the other did.
just before they met by the flight of stairs.

weird.yes.seldom did she take that staircase when having to go to the fourth floor of that building.there was just something off about it.

tawag ng kalikasan
ang naglapit sa kanilang dalawa.
how very nakakatawa
sa tapat pa ng washroom nagkita.

binalik nila ang higpit ng tapis
pagkalampas ng pagkabakla't
pagkagulat.
at sila'y nagpatuloy at
nagpaalod
sa Direksyon ng nakabantay na Araw
---sa ibabaw ng tubig
kung saan maaring makahinga
tuyo man ang lalamunan
at mamasa-masa ang mga mata.

pero seriously..
madilim at makitid at hagdanang iyon.pero tinahak parin. at ayun.lihim na pakay ng daigdig.ang malaman ng tao na ang pagpunla sa mga ganitong klaseng dampi't halik ay hindi pagtatalik, pero ang pagpapaubaya dito sa sarili nitong mundo.

Kung saan walang Araw at Dilim. Walang pangangailangan sa Direksyon. Walang Buhay at walang Kamatayan.

tumpak... ang kwarto, oras at taon. tumpak ang singsing at ang panloob na disposisyon.tumpak ang kinalilibugang mga paksa ng dalawang utak.yaong drive.yaong lakas ng intuition. tumpak.

paalam sayo, tumpak. nagagalak ako't nagkakilanlan tayo. bow.
----------------------------------
at sa wakas, para sayo gen:
matagal na.pero alam mo na yun susunod kong sasabihin.
ang kaluluwa ng kuryente at ang dalisay ng tubig.pero lam ko, at alam mo na walang kahulugan ang kamatayan sa planetang ikinukubli nang ikinukubli ng kalawakan.

at ui o. .na-tag ako.

2005-08-24T07:31:00.000-07:00

bugiebugbug.. lolo, eto na.

top 5/6 songs na di mo matantanan lately:

with or without you -U2
lightning crashes -live
enigma -dj venom
lonely no more -rob thomas
in the arms of sleep -smashing pumpkins
quiet poetic -urbandub

at oo.. ipapasa ko sya: val,chumz,jonar,peter, at lahat ng gstong gmawa rin nito.

Manalig tayo.. stay within the palms of the Great Gracefulness and by the Universe, be thankful. be thankful. let us all LOVE and Live and Live some more and stop wondering and asking questions and be Here, now.and let us take it all slowly.one step at a time.until Then.

"nais kong balutin ng pag-ibig ang dating magandang paligid
sana'y muling pausbungin sa dibdib ang luntiang daigdig"(or something really close)
--danny pabella

----------------------------------------------

The Werewolf:

The Werewolf is the symbol for Spiritual Paths.
You have the soul of a wolf inside you, which
makes you warm and caring to those you love.

Strengths: Protection is a number one priority,
and therefore you always gaurd the ones you
love and keep tight bonds with your pack mates.
Loyalty is strong within yourself, and you also
expect it from the ones who are close to you.

Flip Side: Even though you care for those you
love deeply, if they betray you, anger races
through your veins. The Werewolf, despite it's
warm fun-loving personality, can also stand up
for itself if need be. You would have no
problem hiding your anger if something sets you
off balance.

Congratulations! You have a Werewolf inside!

pic (c) Christy Grandjean aka GoldenWolfen

What's Your Inner Beast? [pics]
brought to you by Quizilla

hango kay j.sabilano.

2005-08-22T20:08:00.000-07:00

Nangyari talaga ito. Peksman. Nakasakay ako sa dyip na biyaheng Lagro-Cubao at dumaan kami sa QC Circle. Sa bungad pa lang, nakita ko na ang mga poster -- "Trabaho, hindi gulo!" "No to Junta! Yes to Peace!". Ay, mali, hindi pala poster. Mga trapal pala -- 'yung mga tipong tig-dadalawang-libo yata, o mas mahal pa. Nagkalat sila sa Circle. Hindi ko na natatandaan kung sinong grupo ang nagpagawa ng mga iyon, pero syurbol na tagyaman ang mga supporter nila. Trapal ba naman, e.

Isang poster ang nakita ko sa tapat ng DAR: "MAGULONG PULITIKA, UGAT NG PAGBABA NG PISO AT PAGTAAS NG LANGIS!" Tapos, isa pa, at isa pa.
Ewan ko. Siguro, para sa mga nagpagawa ng mga nakita ko sa Circle, 'yung una. 'Yung "magulo" na sa bawat isyu, may magra-rally agad. Para siguro sa kanila, 'yung pagiging elite-dominated ng pulitika, hindi anomalya. Status quo na, 'ika nga. Brute fact, mehn.

(Pero, in fairness, ang gaganda ng mga trapal nila. Ang sarap nenokin at gawing kurtina sa bintana, o sapin sa mesa.)

Nakakalungkot.

Pero mas nalungkot/natawa/nagalit ako sa ikalawang paratang: "MAGULONG PULITIKA, UGAT NG PAGTAAS NG LANGIS!"

Aakalain mong may sarili na tayong oil well na gumagana, na malakas ang voting power natin sa OPEC, na ang lahat ng mga refinery ng langis ay pag-aari ng mga Pilipino. Wow. Ang sarap talagang mangarap.

Aakalain mong may nagagawa nga ang pagrarally sa pasya ng Petron na itaas ang metro.

Aakalain mong regulated ng gobyerno ang mga kumpanya ng langis.

Kung tutuusin, noong regulated pa ang langis, hindi naman tumataas nang ganito ang presyo. Pero noong ipinasa ang Oil Deregulation Act noong panahon ni Tabako, aba, "things fell apart" na. Sunod-sunod ang pagtaas ng presyo at ng pamasahe (P1.50 noong grade 4 ako, tapos ngayon, ni yosi, hindi na ako makabili).

Mga aktibista ba ang may kasalanan kung bakit nagpapasya ang OPEC na taasan ang presyo ng krudo? Mga aktibista ba ang nag-uutos sa Shell, Caltex, at Petron na taasan pa lalo ang presyo ng diesel? Malabo yata, mehn. Kung may iisang may kasalanan sa pagtaas ng mga presyo, gobyerno na iyon. Bakit? Sila naman kasi ang nagpasyang huwag nang bantayan ang mga kumpanya ng langis, at sila ang nagpasyang patawan pa ng VAT ang gasolina, toll rate, etc. Sa pagkakaalam ko, hindi gawain ng aktibista 'yun.

hover

2005-08-21T05:06:00.000-07:00

finally, across the gamefield your leather glove caught the white stitched ball that went with my farthest throw, in the hopes of winning in its escape. even the large fireball at its best in the clear steady steady skies, didn't stop you.

i saw you run.fast over the vast green after i threw it as far as i could. it was the first time, you got me to feel anything.i was afraid of the chance that was there on the shirt on your back.this time you had a chance. you just have to be fast enough and jump high enough.and under the shade of the bullcap, i waited for you.as though i had realized the extent of your power to betray me.

wheeshhpPtt.echo cut off by your glove.all too fast for me to contain. But the smile that grew from your mouth shoved the blinding headlight of the punchline,injecting me with the heavy misery of a blanket's kindness over one's shoulder after dead hours of desk work way way early in the morning.at doon nakilala ko na si Bathala.sa Kanyang Kabuuang pagkaitim at pagkaputi.doon.on the vast smudged green, under the bullcap's shade, under heavy sunburns.
--------------------------------------------
you still shrink into that chest of yours, i saw you. such comfortable strangeness, how we could laugh at each other's jokes,knowing and even nodding our heads to greet With and Without with grace.

it is here now that we Are , and we no longer push or pull for somewhere else,rather we stay and so we come. so at last,we be-come.

o you be you,
and i be i,
then them be them,
o the world is,
o the world is,
o the world and its
hush of
the Voice
in the bed of
"Is".

2005-08-13T09:28:00.000-07:00

transatlanticism

The atlantic was born today and i'll tell you how...
The clouds above opened up and let it out.

I was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere
When the water filled every hole.
And thousands upon thousands made an ocean,
Making islands where no island should go.
Oh no.

Those people were overjoyed; they took to their boats.
I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.
The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flood lands to your door have been silenced forever more.
The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
It seems farther than ever before
Oh no.

I need you so much closer [x8]

[instrumental break]

I need you so much closer [x4]
So come on, come on [x4]

~~~~~~~~~~~death cab for cutie

2005-08-12T03:43:00.000-07:00

ikaw ang isaganing nagtapon ng lampara.

ha?ah oo..pwede na..hndi na kailangang manatili dito dahil tapos na ang nakatalang oras. at saang rim ng baso ka magpapakumbaba ngayon, wala ng pake ang buong mundo doon. basta wag ka lang papalpak.alam mo na. biyaya iyan, malayo-layo rin ang nalakbay ko kung lam mo lang para lang diyan sa maliit na basong maaring hindi ko makikita kailanman. Limang daang taon at pagkatapos ay tinunaw sa kalupitan ng pagnanasa ng araw at nilambing-dinaig ng agosbuhos ng ulan.

erosyche. sinabi ko na sayo, peter t. cruz. erosyche ang lahat ng bagay.prang dun sa test paper tinapik ko sa mesa noong araw ng venus-scorpio(config ko ito,12th house pman din,tirang tira ka.tsk.) eroseros. bulkang nakakubli,yang boses mo kailanman hindi sinasangla olrayt? apir tayo.

sa ugat, lupa't bato
patak ng ula'y nagtatagpo
pagtipon ay tatagos
isang bukal umaagos.

what you know is everything that is useless.perfecto?mmhmm.prng jollibee spaghetti sa isipan ni stel.

2005-07-31T21:07:00.000-07:00

1. Total number of films I own on tape/VCD/DVD:
hindi ako nangongolekta.kuripot ako eh.ang shelf ko asa utak ko nlng, matira ang matibay na pelikula.

2. The last film I bought:
Pinoy Blonde. The Sin Eater. sa sinehan at sa cable idiot box respectively.

3. The last film I watched:
Citizen Kane.
La Paloma
The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari.
Un Chien Andalou.
What dreams may come.
*courtesy of ssc avc.thank you."libre".
4. Five films that I watch a lot/mean a lot to me:

What dreams may come.
Citizen Kane.
Edward Scissorhands.
Dekada '70.
Torque.
Lost in Translation.
Sa Mga Kuko ng Liwanag.
Beck.
Malena.

*at lahat ng may christopher de leon,vilma santos,christopher walken,al pacino,at johnny depp.Ü ;j

2005-07-28T03:14:00.000-07:00

que sera sera, peter pan.

sakaling tuluyan nang nagbago ang damdamin mo,at dalawin mo ang kwarto ko isang gabi hindi na para sunduin ako pero para ihatid ako sa mahigpit na hawak mo sa mapait na mapait na kutsilyo, malaman mo sana na hihintayin kita ng may panatag na loob.

tatasahan ko ang kris ko at haharapin kita. pareha tayo nagsala. kaya sa atin dalawa ang laban na ito. pati ang anumang tagumpay at pagkatalo na kaluluwasan nito.

que sera sera. ang lahat ng katahimikan at laya ay nasa marahang hampas ng hangin sa balat pagkaraan mo tumalikod. sasanga ang daan. mag-iisa tayo kasama ng patuloy na nakakubling kanta sa pusod at tiyan at lalamunan tulad ng dati.tulad sa

simulang trahedya ng lenggwahe. ang kawalang buluhan, ang kawalan ng silbi nito pagdating sa katotohanan ng totoo.ang paggamit nito ay pagsisinungaling.at kabalintunaan.

peter peter pan, huwag kang bibigay sa mga pwersang hindi likas na sayo.mbuhay ng mlaya kahit anu pa man.

2005-07-24T07:06:00.000-07:00

damnnn. dlng pla sa mga kamalasan tayo nagkakasundo, pati sa pilosopiya sa buhay, at sa mga intimate affairs din. lintek tong si bok ern.. patay ka na pero promise sobrng weird na ng similarities.bok ernest, kung buhay ka ngyon at nagkakilala tayo sigurado akong magkaibigan na mgkaibgn tyo. soulmate. whew.old man and the sea mplng. kinikilabutan nako.

2005-07-20T00:27:00.000-07:00

done.

and the echo of a five year old boy's laughter just keeps on ringing in the hallways of the top floor of the B bldg.even if at that time, we were the only people left.

he was yours.

and that doggone pride just keep wishing 'i will have the last laugh.'
and i think to myself. so,that is how bad it got to you.

two hours and a half. and your whole life changed. literally.

being realistic and gentle at the same time was how i survived the planets rigadoon since last week. how about you?

is the human potential for the divine really that tragic? divine being everything that is pure, true and beautiful.

Truths like this.
and lies.

lies like "a gold ring with the sun in it.."-plath

but how i wish as well, that it wasn't so for the ring. because awhile ago, i almost thought you polished it. and the color was just so beautiful.. it was a different kind of gold i realized until i spaced out into some sort of subliminal song.

God bless you and the sun that sung from your ring.keep that close to your heart. and know that you were not the only one with a santol in your pocket then. and that's its fine. that nothing you had was lost. that we are both okay.

have faith.i do.move on.

Deep she-river current and oh god the Rocks that get carried away.

2005-07-14T07:19:00.000-07:00

don't ever
ever

lay
down

just to die.

don't ever
ever

just die.
--------------------------------
oh to be unstoppable as the very nothingness that bore every thing in its womb.oh gods, TO BE. what more could there be?

ANG MAGING. Mulat.

i can't get near you the light just radiates. but we couldn't be any nearer than this. i can smell you and oh god, all the Sanctity Sanity and Sweet in your breath.

sidewalk

2005-07-11T06:25:00.000-07:00

Nakita Kita
ni joey ayala("omfg" vocals and guitar),ronnie quesada(orchestration), at kiko llorin(cello)

nakita kita aking sinta
nakita kita aking mahal
nakita kita o giliw ko
pagsilip sa 'king puso

nariyan ka lang pala sinta
nariyan ka lang pala mahal
hindi ka pala nalalayo
pagibig ay naririto

ang puno'y nagkukubli
sa gitna nitong binhi
'sang araw ay uusbong
buhay na nakakulong

pagibig minsa'y ganito
tila bang nagtatago
ngunit paglingon, aba
o kay tayog na pala

sa ugat, lupa't bato
patak ng ula'y nagtatagpo
pagtipon ay tatagos
isang bukal, umaagos

pagibig minsa'y ganito
tila bang kulang sa 'yo
ngunit paglingon, aba
umaapaw na pala

isang binhi at isa pa
patak ng pawis sa lupa
isang haplos isang halik . . .
ang pagpunla'y pagtatalik.
----------------------------------------
~~maiba'y sa likod ko nakabalot sa sang iniwan mong kumot ang anak natin na minana ang boses mo.. limang taong gulang at bumibigat.. ito ang kinanta ng anghel mo.

durian nga, ice cream galing cebu. minsa'y inayawan, minsa'y nagustuhan, minsa'y tiniyagaan, pero patuloy ang pagusbong nito sa lupa at paghintay sa mercado. durian ice cream na napatawa ka.ngyon tuloy ay napapatawa mo ako.

may nagtanong sa akin, kung paano ko naniniwalang magkakasama tayo uli. sabi ko, dahil isa lang ang alam ko, at ito at ito lang ang importante. pagkatapos ng lahat lahat dito,alam kong ikaw lang ang gusto kong hintuan sa wakas.

2005-07-09T18:28:00.000-07:00

dahil minsan kailangan nating tumahimik.

ihinto ang pagsasalita. ang paglaban. ang paghihimagsik ng damdamin.
para magmasid.makinig.mag-aral.

hindi ko maipaliwanag ang mga bagay na hindi naman nila makikilala.at walang bigat sa bulsa, kamay o puso nila. hindi ko kayang ipaliwanag kaya ako nag-iisa. pero alam ko. kabisado ko ang nakaraan ko. at alam ko ang mga patakaran ng Inang hindi ako iniwanan--si Kalikasan. susundin ko siya. inay at kapatid ng mga kandungang tinakbuhan noong niyurakan at ninakaw ng kalawakang mundo ang lahat ng mabuti at lahat ng lakas at sandatang ginamit ko para ipagtanggol ito.hanggang kamatayan sabi ko noon. hanggang kamatayan. pero hindi. ang gapos ang kanilang ganti sa mga nagtangkang lumaya. pero tulad ng dati, hindi ko kayang ipaliwanag, hindi ko kaya, kaya't sila'y napagod at pinakawalan ako sa isang disyerto nila.

the old man and the sea.

the old man and the sea.

the old man and the sea.

the old man and the fucking sea,
and how he brought home but the remains of the skeleton
of a rare and dignified fish.

the old man and the sea.

the old man and the sea.

the sea and
remembering the center of my palms
after Her
and before
peter pan
at si Tula,
at ang maliwanag na Gabi.

God do not let me forget my palms and how the Invisible Nail came for me. Do not let me forget. NEver. It keeps me with you. it keeps us.

dinaig ang mga bandila't sigaw

2005-07-08T13:22:00.000-07:00

sa pusod ng mga naglalakihang gusali at pakinisan palinisan pakintaban ng mga bintanang pangopisina ay nanliit ako. hindi dahil sa mga ito kung hindi sa laki at tayog ng mga bandilang mga naging katabi ko. halo halo ang mga tao noon at nakaktuwang panoorin. nakahalubilo ko yung mga taga-PUP at UP sa Gabriela youth chapter.

Sabi nung isa may mga riot police at dos por dos na raw na nakita sa kanila noong hapon lang bago ang pagdalo ng mga tao sa ayala.

Malayo-layo rin ang nalakad namin at naka-uniporme pa ako noon at kakatapos lang ng forum sa Kuniberta Hall tungkol sa Gloria Gate.Kasama ko si KM, isang matandang babaeng spokesperson ng Gabriela-national, si Ate Joms na nagsalita din sa forum, si Melai at Consie mga taga Gab-national din at isang binatang taga YDARE. Masaya ang jeep na aming pinuno pero mas lalong nakakatuwa ang pagtitipon ng mga iba't ibang grupo sa gitna ng ayala.

minsan , habang nakaupo sa sidewalk at pinapahinga ang mga paa ko at tnutulungang hindi makitaan yung presidente naming si KM na nakapaldang uniporme noon, ay natahimik ako sa gilid at nakita, nasinghot at narinig ko yung mga boses at yapak na dala ang bigat at pag-asa na pinaghalo. Ito yung galing sa manggagawang sektor. Liban sa Bayan Muna party list na kasama ang KMU at Gabriela, maraming pang ibang grupong andoon. Ksama na ang isang namimigay ng declaration na 'we are taking over the presidency and vice-presidency', na napansin ng unang nakabasang taga-PUP na mali mali ang grammar nito. Nakadama ako noon, doon sa gilid ng sidewalk , at nakatupi ang manggas ng uniporme, pagod ang paa, nang halong pagmamahal at takot sa mga nakapalibot sa akin noon, at lalo na yung mga tao sa tora-tora na nagsasalita.

Dahil sa iba't ibang problema kaya sila andoon, pero sino ang nagsabing ang KMU o si Gloria ang makakpagligtas sa kanila? Nararamdaman ko ang alat sa sugat ng mga andoon pa sa banda likuran namin. linya linya ng mga manggawang babae, lalake, at mga matanda rin. Andito sila, binibigay nila ang lahat. At ngyon, sa kanilang mga sarili,ito ang tama. ito ang solusyon.

Walang problema sa akin iyon, baka nga naman may solusyon ang mga ito. Pero isa lang rin ang natamo ko sa pagmumuni-muni sa gitna ng mga higante at mala-halimaw na mga gusali sa dilim (na para bagang lord of the rings ang dating na ,kasi puro pulang bandila at mga 'halimaw' na nangingibabaw at nanonood ang pinakamatindi at nangingibabaw na mga imahe noon), sa oras na masaktan muli itong mga ito, ng bagong pamahalaan o nang kasalukuyan,hindi ako tatahimik.
Nagulat ako nang may nagtangkang mag-abot sakin ng malamig at namamawis na bote ng tubig. Si manong ng Mga-Matang-Dinaig-ang-Bandila't-mga-Sigaw ang nagtitinda pala noon. Ngayon ko lang siya nakita, pero sa kanya ko naintindihan lalo ang lahat. Ang napagiwanan ng mundo.. kung sa bastang pag-iwan sa isa ay wala ganoong problema, ang pagpilit na manatili at magpaalipin ang mayroon. Payat na payat at maitim si manong. At kung hindi lang dahil baka kulangin narin ang pamasahe ko, kahit na ang pansit na para sa mga org na nagorganisa ng forum sa skul at inom sa fountain lang ang panahong nakakain ako ng matino buong araw,ay hindi ko sana tinanggihan ang malamig at masarap na alok ni manong ng Mga-Matang-Dinaig-ang-Bandila't-mga-Sigaw.

Pinanood ko siya ng tulala't nanliliit na sabay nagpatuloy magpaalipin sa Tiyan at sa pagsalubong sa Gutom at sa Sandamakmak na Tao at mga Bandila ng may pananalig na mayroon ngang bibili sa kanya. Nakita ko yon sa tiyempo ng paglakad niya--may pakay. Medyo may pagkamahina at ligaw pero may pakay roon. Pagkatapos maya-maya ay pinilit kong ipaubaya na siya sa kapal ng mga tao, sigaw at bandila dahil uusad na naman lahat kami paharap.sa loob loob ko, alam kong hindi ko na talaga lubusang maalis sa sarili ko ang mga mata ng manong na nagabot ng bote ng tubig sakin noong uhaw ang isipan ko sa pag-asa , at naluluto sa kaba at pagaalala ang aking damdamin.

2005-07-08T13:03:00.000-07:00

Crash and burn
All the stars explode tonight
Ho'd you get so desperate
How'd you stay alive
Help me please
Burn the sorrow from your eyes
Oh, come on be alive again
Don't lay down and die
Hey, hey
You know what to do
Oh, baby, drive away to Malibu
Get well soon
Please don't go any higher
How are you so burnt when
You're barely on fire
Cry to the angels
I'm gonna rescue you
I'm gonna set you free tonight, baby
Pour over me
Hey, hey
We're all watching you
Oh, baby, fly away to Malibu
Cry to the angels
And let them swallow you
Go and part the sea, yeah, in Malibu
And the sun goes down
I watch you slip away
And the sun goes down
I walk into the waves
And I knew love would tear you apart
Oh and I knew the darkest secret of your heart
I'm gonna follow you
Oh baby, fly away, yeah
To Malibu
Oceans of angels, oceans of stars
Down by the sea is where you drown your scars
I can't be near you
The light just radiates
I can't be near you
The light just radiates.

--malibu, hole

2005-07-06T04:25:00.000-07:00

"it is not me who is the cLown but this monstrously cynicaL & so unconsciousLy naive society, which pLays the game of seriousness in order better hide its madness."
-saLvador daLi

"Then he was sorry for the great fish that had nothing to eat and his determination to kill him never relaxed in his sorrow for him. "--ernest hemingway

ONE by one. ISA-ISA. Pagbabago.Pagbabago.Hallelujah.Halika.

2005-07-04T06:56:00.000-07:00

"so every defect of the mind may have a special receipt."-francis bacon

tuloy paren ang musika ng damdaming umaapoy, umaapaw, inaangat ang sarili sa kalawakan tulad ng usok. patuloy paren ang utak,ang humor, ang pagkamalikhain.

hay shet. salamat BAthala, Kabunian, Ka, Diwa, Laya, Diyos.. kung ano man ang pinakamalapit na salita para itawag sayo... SALAMAT.
------------------------------------
**SA MGA PINOY NA BBASA NITO. PAKISABAYAN NG TINDI AT BIGAT NG DAMDAMIN AT ISIP ANG PAGBASA. NAKIKIUSAP AKO NA SAMAHAN NIYO AKO SA DASALING 'TO. PLS.

~Linawagan Niyo ho si pGMA, ibigay nyo po ang puso at diwa nya, ilayo sa pagkaplastik, ilayo sa hindi makatotohanan, ilayo sa tentasyon, diyos mahal banal tanging pag-asang diyos, wag mo kaming pbbayaan--- sa aming mga sariling utak, at kami bilang nasyon.dahil dito, painitin nyo po, sindihan at palaglablabin ang puso ni Gloria... nang makarinig siya ng malinaw.. makakita.. mabuhay ng totoo. At maintindihan na ang Kapangyarihan na tunay ay wala nang iba pa.. wala na sa iba pa.. hindi sa kano, sa intsik, sa germans, sa italyano, o sa mga elitista ng bayan.. KUNG HINDI SA MGA MAPAGKUMBABA NG BAYAN!!! Diyos namin! makinig ka! MAAWA ka.sa kaluluwa ng aming mga ipapanganak.
Pag-ibig na Banal, hayaang si Gloria ang magligtas sa Bayan sa sarili nitong Galit , bago pa siya nito MALAMON ng Buhay at Buo. LIWANAGAN.buhayin ang damdamin niya. HALLELUJAH. SIMULAN GOD, SIMULAN, SINDIHAN, PAUSBUNGIN ANG PAGBABAGO.AMEN.----------------------------

please go to http://www.one.org before it's too late. this is for the cancellation of third world debt proposal for the meeting of the 'superpowers'in four days.

"their not asking for your money, their asking for your VOICE."

2005-06-29T23:14:00.000-07:00

may kanta

2005-06-29T21:09:00.000-07:00

may kanta sa nu dati na wlng pangalan(dhl hindi sinabi o nagpakabinggi ako ulit):
'things could fall apart, this may never start.I'll be your NeverLand.'

mr. peter pan whose pure feelings became water through cloth..
you dripped..
changed and unsure of yourself for the very first time since your father and mother told you that you were naked.
you dripped..
of God's unobvious love for you or maybe your wife.
you dripped..
and even though you were dripping in my hands, i couldn't help you dry after wringing your soul. only with hopes that you would not take it for disinterest or hate.
you dripped..
and the fact is we shared the wetness,i was not soaked as you, but as wet and as vulnerable in the coldest way.as different.

mr. peter pan, i dreamt of you already. and the maroon shirts in a fantasy deviously devised two years before we met. and the name that i admired. the name upon which Jesus called His ROCK over which the Gates of Fucking Hell shall not prevail.

i shall not want but the wind outside the half-empty jeepney window asks me, why shouldn't you now?

seduction (not necessarily sexual)is a very powerful tool that is a sometimes beautiful , sometimes horrid way for us to look into what we deem as our decent selves or whether our "decent" selves can shoulder the weight of truthful desires.

i respect you. but that would not make any difference since you may at one brief point, have lost respect for yourself and walked the side of the grassy field patch(the one along the halls of Music and her Prophets and Disciples),with your head bowed low.

strange brew is this existence between the quiet, no-need-for-reason, intuitive , personal truth And the World Order's omnipresent eyes.

sad it is then that i shall find you at this time and place. then again how blissful for both of us. you shall have your contentment. and i shall have mine.

we're both headstrong in our desires and extremely independent. only you choose to argue, while i refuse.i do what i have to do that others sometimes already find it hard to understand me.you concern yourself with 'real' payoffs and the Outside. i am concerned with the Inside and the underlying truths.

it pays off to be: i soothe your reddish forehead from high blood pressure, and you reveal your hidden gracefulness to me.
it pays off not to be: you will appreciate Desire from afar and i will be glad with the contentment you discovered in self-acceptance.

strange brew is this slowly boiling fluid existence between the domineering, fighting spirit of restless intensity, and the peaceful,loving spirit of endless steady cooling.

mr. peter pan. you burn. you were soaked.
mr. peter pan. i drown. i was scorched.

now you will believe me when i say that all things are one.

one day she will fly (by chaoticparadox--kng sino ka man.)

2005-06-20T22:15:00.000-07:00

para duman sa walang pangalan

2005-06-16T00:43:00.000-07:00

tumitig sa buwan habang sinisindihan ng takot ang sukal ng dilim sa dibdib.

Tula na lamang ang itatawag ko sayo. ang payapang pipi at bata sa iyong sukat, tugma, indayog, talinhaga ang bumubulsa sa sana'y pangalan mo. pero tulad ng bata, ika'y duwag. makasarili. huwag kang magpabaog sa pulitika ng isipan mo: sa 'result-oriented' na mundo, sa kaayusan na pulos kabalastugan.

kaayusan. maabot kung hubad. sa pagpapaka-ganid na likas na direksyon ng tao.kaayusan. kung hindi papabihag sa kahit anong anino ng ganid.

Lahat ng kailangan mo'y asa sayo na.bkit ka titigil. bakit mo lulunurin ang boses ng kalikasan.makinig lang tayo at aapoy ang mundong tuyot duwag.mawala lamang ang sarili, sa atin na ang yamang daigdig.

huwag kang matakot. asan ka man. manalig sa dati mo nang alam. huwag mapagod sa paghimay sa walang katapusang mga daliri ng sibuyas. sa pusong palad nito'y ang lihim ng tadhana mo,higit sa ating dalawa.

2005-06-06T20:49:00.000-07:00

speed of sound

2005-06-06T11:44:00.000-07:00

acoustic alchemy and the obsessive shrewd spirit of the unforgiving undressed mind. oh when it chooses to fight for what it wants. oh for What. for the want.

until the despair of separate entities--of limbs and tongues and hands--eases into electric riffs. the rock before the roll. and the being sings with the voice it had before it was born. before the roll.before all knowledge of limbs and tongues and hands dissipates into the speed of sound.

all that death. imagine that.all those wasted hours of questioning and waiting on green tables and questions. only to have never moved at all. only to love not moving at all. only to undress and walk the streets naked unashamed. only to ride the train off to mars and abandon everything and still not be ashamed.

and the rest of matter asks again the most stupid question man has ever invented, 'why?'

to undress and walk the metro streets unashamed, unafraid.into the speed of sound.
into the wordless. the sincere. the rationality of the irrational.

to where it all began.
to where night dreams tell us what to change. and where the crazy morning sun no longer discourages.
to where the speed of sound,like wisdom of what must be done,fills you.
and so nothing else, not your blisters or the baking sidewalk cement or the metal hand cuffs makes any difference.

keep me in your heart, for awhile.

halleluuu-- hallelu-jah!!!

inner freedom!!!!! mabuhay ka!!!!*taas kamao*

2005-06-04T03:48:00.000-07:00

i shall not want.
even if i walk in the darkest valley,
i fear no evil
for Love is beside me
Her rod and staff comforts me.

to hold water in your mouth
to look at your own thirst
and the promises of swallowing
in the eye
and know better.
spitting out.

you are left with something within.

iv been gone for awhile letting others' mislead me and sometimes letting their ignorant insults and tortures get to me. until one night, i woke up and i cannot remember your name. or hers.forgive me God, for letting them take.

i knew i must find you. but i cannot remember exactly who you are.
i stayed and i dragged myself further.

into more deserts.

and then the holy mirage.
it said
i don't have to go anywhere.
i don't because God, you were with me all along.
it was i who got distracted and "forgot".

strange how quick you conquer big time shit. holy, holy Drug.

there is only your music i listen to now.
and if i succeed, i just may be able to land another planet and find her there.

2005-05-29T03:19:00.000-07:00

music like the very second
one fully realizes
skin.

holy like the heat
and odor of boiling water
like the clear, steady shimmer
of a drooping aluminum faucet
like a smooth white textile bathroom
not fancy,
must not be fancy,
but the average one.

(fancy ones confuses
with lies)

and in the white glow of this isolation
a pounding fist
or the rhythm it creates,
brings you to remember:
ah, yes, i have ears as well.

and the thought of it
climbs up from one's bare feet
like a tarantula

it takes it's time
from legs,
to shoulders,
to neck.

and one stiffens.
and finally,
shivers.

oh how it is to forget.
to breathe towards sleep
within the warm, beautiful, holy
kwen of the Muse-ic.

dj tiesto's adagio for strings and the Great Beautiful power of a Hole Being

2005-05-26T11:20:00.000-07:00

perfection is obsolete.

the same way that perfect possession of a person or perfect knowledge is obsolete. because nobody knows anything. we don't know anything.

It is because we cannot possess the Other, because we cannot grasp for ourselves the magnitude and vital strength of the universe, that we discover how empty we are.

that it is in being empty, of not possessing but rather allowing the universe to fill you as if you were an imaginary hole--up to the brink of being the universe itself--that we see there is no 'Other' because we are each other/there is nothing to possess, but also that it is in loving without knowing/possessing the Other fully that we first learn how to Live.that is by Loving.

if to fully possess another is our objective, then it is somewhat insincere isn't it? or maybe just , at that time, ignorant. it is in the fact of Never Possessing,you see, that we lose ourselves--the burden of Desire--and that is why the unknown is not to be feared or rejected--- it is to be accepted in all its vagueness and wrap it in the blanket of our Holy Desire--- holy because it has chosen to persist in loving, in faith, in choosing to be a Hole Being. in exchange for the Other.

It is only by being a hole that we Love and contain whatever is outside us. being a hole means, having nothing. Being nothing. But what we choose to contain. accepting others as they are and not as we understand them to be. that befriending others simply means loving them in all their grime and grace, their charm and wastedness,their being and not being. choosing to be a friend, without knowing everything since it is not entirely possible anyway.

and when we lose ourselves, what is there to gain?

--nothing.

But the rest of the Universe.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
footnote: the 'Other' is a collective term for everything else that is Not I.

*ginsberg was not crazy when he wrote "everything is holy!". everything IS. which is why we must avoid scheming and trying to desperately unknot mysteries, solving them the wrong way altogether. it is in treating it with respect , or sitting with its weightlessness,treating it with sincerity --this is the ONLY WAY to Understand.

2005-05-25T15:15:00.000-07:00

It is in the small things we see it.
The child's first step,as awesome as an earthquake.
The first time you rode a bike,wallowing up the sidewalk.
The first spanking when your heart
went on a journey all alone.
When they called you crybaby
or poor or fatty or crazy
and made you into an alien,you drank their acid
and concealed it.

Later,if you faced the death of bombs and bullets
you did not do it with a banner,
you did it with only a hat to cover your heart.
You did not fondle the weakness inside you
though it was there.

Your courage was a small coal
that you kept swallowing.
If your buddy saved you
and died himself in so doing,then his courage was not courage,
it was love; love as simple as shaving soap.

Later,if you have endured a great despair,
then you did it alone,getting a transfusion from the fire,
picking the scabs off your heart,then wringing it out like a sock.

Next, my kinsman, you powdered your sorrow,
you gave it a back rub
and then you covered it with a blanket
and after it had slept a while
it woke to the wings of the roses
and was transformed.

Later,when you face old age and its natural conclusion
your courage will still be shown in the little ways,
each spring will be a sword you'll sharpen,
those you love will live in a fever of love,
and you'll bargain with the calendar
and at the last moment
when death opens the back door
you'll put on your carpet slippers
and stride out.
--courage, sexton

2005-05-24T20:56:00.000-07:00

2005-05-23T17:41:00.000-07:00

when dust and delirium, when carbon-14 in my system and the way You float above this underwater isolation--starts to crown my head with twisted, twisted barbed wire--stereoxide bends the light down here, making things less recognizable and that' s when i feel you. oo, Ikaw.

singing: i am not your autumn moon, i am the night. i am not your rolling wheels, i am the highway, i am not your carpet ride, i am the sky.

people try to disprove you when you haven't even finished making your point. and they say sorry and give you the things you need when there is nothing left to use it. aanuhin pa ang damo, kung patay na ang kabayo.

hindi ako pagod. natatawa lang ako sa pagkakaluto ng ulam . nasobrahan ata ng pait. gumuguhit sa lalamunan ko kahit hindi ko pa ito naisusubo at nailululon.

sabi sa training, in order to lead we must learn to swallow whatever pain or hate hinders us.

hinain sa harap ko ang mga pampawala ng umay , pampawala ng anghang, at pantulak. ngayon lumitaw kung kailan wala na ang bituka ko, kung kailan wala na ang utak at mata ko sa mesa, kung hindi nagpakalaya.pinalayo ng himagsikan, ng pagtatakwil, ng paglilinlang, ng pagpuputa.o diba? eh sinong di matatawa dun?! parang joke na nawalan ng punchline.

maya maya noon, sumunod na yung katawan ko sa kinaroroonan ng utak , mata, at bituka ko. kung saan napapawi ang mga walang lunas na sugat sa bituka, natutuyo ang mga mata upang makakita, kung saan tiwasay ang utak. walang nakapansin sa gitna ng dakdakan at lunukan ng tamis, pantulak at mararangyang paumanhin. ang katawan ko ayun,parang iyong sa dulo ng Little Matchstick Girl. basta doon sa malayo, ksma Siya.

my hands are small i know, but they're not yours , they are my own. and one day, i may be able to find You and You will never be 'Lost' again.

2005-05-23T02:51:00.000-07:00

o ano, ba't andito pa kayo, gusto niyo pa isang joke? alin ung ginawa niyo? un nlng, dami akong natatandaan na jokes niyo eh.lalo na pag Kano ka , o kaya year of the sheep pinanganak.
ah hindi? bakit nmn?
di sige wag niyo na sagutin.tama kayo, baka may lumabas pa na kung anong mabaho. pangit un.lalo na kapag totoo db no?

sige , sige ito nlng:

tanong, ano ba talaga un 'Bora'?

sagot: isa sa top 10 most beautiful beaches in the world.

MALI.

sagot: ang imahe ng "perpetual orgy of pleasure in the midst of poverty."
-----------------------------------------------------------
BENTA. ÜBER.wohoooo.

SARCASTIC? hindi kaya. parang kayo, di ba, HINDI sarcastic ung paglulon niyo.

2005-05-19T08:58:00.000-07:00

but then again, in a minute the whole world can stop turning.

"the more you try to change things, the more they stay the same." -snake(kurt russell), escape L.A.

*snake lights up a smoke.
*for a moment was seduced by the newfound power and wonder of fire(now that electric power is non-existent.)

*then, a wave of wise fear came over him.
*he blew the fire out.
*before it becomes another trophy for human greed.

("welcome to humankind"--voice over.)

-how scary can u get-

2005-05-16T09:13:00.000-07:00

sleep well, beautiful.thank you for the bus highs. and how God allowed human to twist one's body and head left and right.

thank you for the golden skinned, muslim cloth-bandana wearing, psychic mistake.
beautiful,deep-water-glide kwen.

thank you Three.thank you suns. and how our sky always reminds me of how small and powerless we are.thank you waters. thank you thank you God. thank you eyes. thank you vision. thank you Now.thank you life and how quickly everything good and bad passes by.

thank you gen, and how you have passed onto All Things Infinite.

Hallelujah.

2005-05-13T03:32:00.000-07:00

hate this place -goo goo dolls

the radical and the bizarre.
horrid and disarmingly beautiful at the same time isn't it?Ü
--------------------------------------------

lightning crashes

2005-05-12T03:39:00.000-07:00

drowning is a concept familiar to the faithless. fearful and anxious struggle. but choosing to keep faith underwater may bring one to float. then maybe, when one chooses to, one can swim to land where one's fate seems to be "better". then again, the land can give way beneath you in an instant. nothing is certain you see. not even rationality.what is true isn't always rational.

but then again, what is true depends entirely on us.

che, im nt sure of what you meant last time, but whether or not it was a problem, maybe this would help one way or the other. or then again, not at all.good luck sa pages Pb. keep it up.
----------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------
STOP THE MURDER OF JOURNALISTS!!!! NAKNANGKABAYO!!!!!!
remember marlene esperat and hundreds of other human rights lawyers, journalists and common-tao who died for the truth and the vision of a new republic.

2005-04-25T05:00:00.000-07:00

Commandment One-minus--the commandment that had never been written since even a "goddamned fool cold be expected to know it"

"If thy neighbor's ass pains him, do thou not divert him with bullshit, but rather kick him soundly thereon. Yea, even though it maketh him thine enemy. For it is better that he should howl for a doctor than to drown in dung."

"take not advantage of thy neighbor with his pants down, for to each man there comes this season and in my house there are many mansions, and in the mansions are many bastards longer-donged than thyself."

"better the blind man who pisses through a window than the knowing servant who raises it for him."

(this world, then the firecrackers// jim thompson)

2005-04-25T04:31:00.000-07:00

A third year Philosophy major died today. I didn't catch her name and the causes of her death had something to do with food poisoning. she came from this prominent university in manila and the reporter said she had future plans of building a school for the poor. a school for the poor. that's a first. both sadly and gratefully.for a long time now, all i've been hearing around me are no better than bituka-ng-isda.

DAMN. yea, just what we need homo sapiens.. EDUCATE THE POOR.
THE NEED OF IT IS AS REAL AS THE BLOOD OUR HEART PUMPS THROUGH OUR BRAINS.
her surname was Abalos.
DAMN. damn. what a waste.

why not let the useless shits die instead? but then again, we are all just pieces of dung until the right moment of peace reaches for us--or rather we reach for it---and we are enlightened with what on earth to do with our lives. For some, they are born with this enlightenment while others take some time before finding it, and still for others, they die without finding it maybe because they never bothered to ask or asked the wrong questions or got tired too early to make any sense of anything.

to think of it, anybody young who dies seems a waste. the possibilities.. the potential glow of CHANGE.

DAMN.

volunteer programs.
charity work.
community service.

shit.

what fuckin boredom are we talkn about? huh?
time is one vain, double-crossing gigolo.
wy'all got to stay awake and away from that hypnotic numb-shot monotone.

"it's a bittersweet symphony this life. try to make ends meet. you're a slave to money then you die. i'll take you down the only road i've ever been down. you know the one that takes you to the place where all the veins meet yeah. i can change, but im here in my mold. i can change.i can change."-the verve

try watching The Jacket, yea the one with adrien brody.
again, the same unaltered state
of the previous word:
DAMN.

2005-04-01T00:16:00.000-08:00

I have done it again.
One year in every ten
I manage it----

A sort of walking miracle, my skin
Bright as a Nazi lampshade,
My right foot

A paperweight,
My face a featureless, fine
Jew linen.

Peel off the napkin
0 my enemy.
Do I terrify?----

The nose, the eye pits, the full set of teeth?
The sour breath
Will vanish in a day.

Soon, soon the flesh
The grave cave ate will be
At home on me

And I a smiling woman.
I am only thirty.
And like the cat I have nine times to die.

This is Number Three.
What a trash
To annihilate each decade.

What a million filaments.
The peanut-crunching crowd
Shoves in to see

Them unwrap me hand and foot
The big strip tease.
Gentlemen, ladies

These are my hands
My knees.
I may be skin and bone,

Nevertheless, I am the same, identical woman.
The first time it happened I was ten.
It was an accident.

The second time I meant
To last it out and not come back at all.
I rocked shut

As a seashell.
They had to call and call
And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls.

Dying
Is an art, like everything else,
I do it exceptionally well.

I do it so it feels like hell.
I do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I've a call.

It's easy enough to do it in a cell.
It's easy enough to do it and stay put.
It's the theatrical

Comeback in broad day
To the same place, the same face, the same brute
Amused shout:

'A miracle!'
That knocks me out.
There is a charge

For the eyeing of my scars, there is a charge
For the hearing of my heart----
It really goes.

And there is a charge, a very large charge
For a word or a touch
Or a bit of blood

Or a piece of my hair or my clothes.
So, so, Herr Doktor.
So, Herr Enemy.

I am your opus,
I am your valuable,
The pure gold baby

That melts to a shriek.
I turn and burn.
Do not think I underestimate your great concern.

Ash, ash ---
You poke and stir.
Flesh, bone, there is nothing there----

A cake of soap,
A wedding ring,
A gold filling.

Herr God, Herr Lucifer
Beware
Beware.

Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
And I eat men like air.

--Lady Lazarus, Sylvia Plath

2005-03-23T19:47:00.000-08:00

the silence is sepulchral. and self lost in the 3rd X hit in the cerebral dancefloor of a urban beat dj from brazil. some guy with the skin color of the most beautifully furnished and lacquered mahogany. and oh, his intention on the speakers. how he worshipped music. he said, Rhythm created the universe. creation. yeah hue(instead of the both sexist 'man' or 'woman', let's use the short one for human instead), how i would love to breathe again in the glow and swirl of that peace.. and pureness..and soul.. the sanctity.

c o s m i c m u s i c..

what could be better than getting rid of the plastic threaded nets that traps you from your waters when she screams and tells you to hurry up. hurry up. to tell you to do this. to actually tell you. to tell. then repeats what you've done just so you'd look stupid following her commands.
then, then. then. then im suddenly high on nothing and she is high on reaction formation as her defense mech.wtf.

the manner of asking. humanity. where? well i don't fuckin know. there are no sanctuaries no more. except perhaps behind forcibly opened backdoors of the mind.or paperbacks.or rpgs.

bad breath from not speaking for too long. isn't that the funniest thing?
decay perhaps for virtue.
the ways of nature. the nature and fate of things. the unstoppable, eternal conferences that you can't excuse yourself from. even if you're dying to take a piss. piss. like incubus' rendition of it.

what do you mean paralyzing myself for you ? do you have any idea what iv been through to save these visions? do you?
id rather just shove my head in a pail of water til i drown.

but of course, that's what you'd have me do.

2005-03-14T21:10:00.000-08:00

2005-03-14T20:51:00.000-08:00

From the brightest star
Comes the blackest hole
You had so much to offer
Why did you offer your soul
I was there for you baby
When you needed my help
Would you deny for others
What you demand for yourself
Cool down mama, cool off

You speak of signs and wonders
I need something otherI would believe if I was able
But I’m waiting on the crumbs from your table
You were pretty as a picture
It was all there to see
Then your face caught up with your psychology
With a mouth full of teeth
You ate all your friends
And you broke every heart
Thinking every heart mends
You speak of signs and wonders
I need something other
I would believe if I was able
But I’m waiting on the crumbs from your table

Where you live should not decide
Whether you live or whether you die
Three to a bed
Sister Ann, she said
Dignity passes by
You speak of signs and wonders
I need something other
I would believe if I was able
I’m waiting on the crumbs from your table

-U2

2005-03-12T03:58:00.000-08:00

it takes time dilation in space and getting closer to the speed of light to move alter time on earth.

Live Free.
That night i told myself this is not the end of it. The abandoned paper boat she used to invite the other to ride it to some imaginary faraway island, away from the drone of the sad blowfish professor and the old airconditioner.The paper boat that after being useless, was left with the last effort, hope, and chance at freedom. I knew it the afternoon i turned from the paper boat on my desk and rode the jeepney home. i knew what it meant. i saw it before.

and so i decided. that night. after Einstein's "God does not play dice with the universe" and his insight on how all matter is energy. at rest. waiting. mass is energy.

i know now. and i will find other ways to remember you again. truthfully this time, because the blackhole is gone. you did it again.

Christianity speaks true. There is life after death. Love/Good/pure/true/the transcendental shows us to it. The Resurrection.

So here's to the freedom you found in our planet. To everything true, pure and transcending.i love you more than ever before.

2005-02-27T01:36:00.000-08:00

In the view of the old-time people, we are all sisters and brothers because the Mother Creator made all of us—all colors and sizes. We are sisters and brothers, clanspeople of all the living beings around us. The plants, the birds, fish, clouds, water, even the clay—they are all related to us. The old-time people believe that all things, even rocks and water, have spirit and being. They understood that all things want only to continue being as they are; they need only be left as they are. Thus the old folks used to tell us kids not to disturb the earth unnecessarily. All things as they were created exist already in harmony with one another as long as we do not disturb them. "Yellow Woman and a Beauty of the Spirit” by Leslie Marmon Silko

2005-02-23T06:53:00.000-08:00

I want to trip inside your head
Spend the day there…
To hear the things you haven’t said
And see what you might see
I want to hear you when you call
Do you feel anything at all?
I want to see your thoughts take shape
And walk right out

Freedom has a scent
Like the top of a new born baby’s head

The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I’ve had enough I’m not giving up
On a miracle drug
Of science and the human heart
There is no limit
There is no failure here sweetheart
Just when you quit… I am you and you are mine
Love makes nonsense of space
And time… will disappear
Love and logic keep us clear
Reason is on our side, love…
The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I’ve had enough of romantic love I’d give it up, yeah, I’d give it up
For a miracle, a miracle drug, a miracle drug

God I need your help tonight
Beneath the noise
Below the din
I hear a voice
It’s whispering I
n science and in medicine
"I was a stranger You took me in”
The songs are in your eyes I see them when you smile
I’ve had enough of romantic love
I’d give it up, yeah, I’d give it up
For a miracle, miracle drug Miracle, miracle drug

2005-02-21T05:10:00.000-08:00

"we are not what we do for a living. we serve people who have money, but we are not their servants. that is not what makes Human, but how Human rises after the fall."

and after the bravest one finally admits fear, after the futility of remembering, will u sit with me now.. here.. for awhile.. in your head before we forget again.

2005-02-17T04:59:00.000-08:00

oh when the second chance comes crashing down, would you believe anything? would you believe you existed before it all happened? will you remember how different you were?

and yes.they.unassuming. obsessed with the obvious.secretly scorns everything you've fought for. lost. found. lost. and kept hoping for.
they praise you for your loss.. kiss you on the cheek and say, "hail, rabbi"
and tell you your gaping flesh and brittle bones are beautiful and worthy. somehow knowing you would be too naive to believe their mockery.

until you stopped.

sweet madness.
clara.
the painful way the thought of your name emanates from the night sky of a barrio road in the heart of a far and uncorrupted land.

like the silence in films Lost in Translation and About Schmidt. the wordless, settled way the camera observes characters faced with the most normal of hours on screen and how it can soothe away the memories of close shaves and weary dodging so much better than any other lipstick-fantasies.

Thank you Silence. With you i can finally hear my heart beating again.

underground

2004-09-19T17:36:00.000-07:00

i may be under the ground now. someplace where only plant roots have any feelings for me. even Time has no feelings for me. how can i go on and do what i want to?

this abyss is pulling me in everyday after waking and riding smoke factories to school.

rationality gives me clean air. but it isn't enough.

will never be enough.

but it has to do for now,
i have to push through tests and apathetic Nets after Greater Falls.

i have no time to waste.

i will find her after this. so i have to do this now.

i know but i cannot seem to put it to effect. let m will be strong, let me be free and wise. let me be strong.

let me remember again. and let me sing.

i want to run through barley fields with you again. come to me when you want to. im here.

still here. never left. just like before.
i love you. stay with me.

unless

2004-09-05T23:38:00.000-07:00

if not.

should this be a hello at reason or should i realize that even in most reason lighted tables, there is darkness.

the glare of electric monitors and the slides, and the hammers on electric guitar fret boards smudges the well-disciplined lines of definition and "usefulness", then makes it look like a dream. with a feathered frame.

so much so that the word "featured member" looks like "frustrated" member.

incoherence is medicine to the structure that proves inconsistent and hypocritical to the true nature of everything.

some order is needed. that i know.
just not this.

and not now.

my love, you have taken all of me and yet you never stop taking. as if the negative values of the things u take will matter. in the process we both lose each other in the charges, equations and translation of unhuman languages. the only language for you to understand now is the sound that resonates and resounds and vibrates from within me. the space and the everythingness in the nothing that is between.

i no longer care whether they listen or if i succeed. all i know, and i would like you to know, is that i was beautiful once. you and me. under the champagne supernova. above the futile efforts of the tides to crush us.
we were beautiful once.we were not like this. i tell you so you can sleep before i cut my throat and yours to regain the beauty we once lost.

i have realized the futility, hypocrisy,and shit there is with having a circle of people who are apparently useless. how like art is useless. how like only uselessness is immortal.

pyjbvhjiops

2004-07-26T01:28:00.000-07:00

theatre impressions

for me the tragedy's most important act is the sixth:
the raising of the dead from the stage's battlegrounds,
the straightening of wigs and fancy gowns,
removing knives from stricken breasts,
taking nooses from lifeless necks,
lining up among the living
to face the audience.

the bows, both solo and ensemble---
the pale hand on the wounded heart,
the curtsies of the hapless suicide,
the bobbing of the chopped-off head.

the bows in pairs--
rage extends its arms to meekness,
the victim's eyes smile at the torturer,
the rebel indulgently walks beside the tyrant.

Eternity trampled by the golden slipper's toe.
redeeming valies swept aside with the swish of a wide-brimmed hat.
the unrepentant urge to start all over tommorow.

Now enter, single file, the hosts who died early on,
in Acts 3 and 4, or between scenes.
the miraculous return of all those lost without a trace.

the thought that they've been waiting patiently offstage
without taking off their makeup
or their costimes
moves me more than all the tragedy's tirades.

but the curtain's fall is the most uplifting part,
the things you see before it hits the floor:
here one hand quickly reaches for a flower,
there another hand picks up a fallen sword.
Only then, one last,unseen, hand
does its duty and grabs me by the throat.

--wislawa szymborska